Saturday, March 8, 2008

This Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

It’s been way too long since I’ve written here and I always tell myself to try to write at least twice a week and then that overwhelmed feeling takes over. The one where there’s lots to do and I know I should just take it in stride and work my way through, but instead a paralyzing fear takes over and very little gets done. Talk about self sabotage, although it makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone after speaking with other people with small businesses. So in thinking of a post today and my new “Just Do It” attitude (no Nike endorsements here), I was looking through some old photos and started to laugh out loud with this one from a trip several years ago to Calaveras Big Trees State Park:And I’m still laughing because this is EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling lately.
(You want me to climb what? Uh….you mean this tree right here? Well…um….you’re kidding me right?)
That huge, daunting tree looms above me daily. There are days I look up it and think that it’s all so very possible and that I’m a fully capable and intelligent being. Then there are the days that are more frequent than not, where it’s all too much and I can’t even bear to look up at the tippy-top branches. I do stop myself often though, to point out to myself how beautiful that tree is and how fun it would be to climb.

I think a lot of this has to do with some big decisions I’ve made lately that have made my business more of a reality to me (hmmmm…..taxes anybody?) For starters, I just opened up my first wholesale account with a yarn company and even though it was a very scary (and expensive) thing to do, it was also so much fun, having a rep visit my house with bags of lovely yarn, looking at a myriad of color cards, touching and feeling all the wool skeins and getting a sneak peak at new products. Of course right after, my big tree feelings came back. Where am I going to put all this yarn I ordered? Can I possibly get through all this yarn? Do I even have enough hands helping me to GET through all this yarn? I envision skeins all over my apartment, yarn hanging down like pasta and criss- crossing back and forth like a huge spiderweb.

Does anyone else have their own tree to conquer?


zoe said...

you are SOOO incredibly brave and the only way you can realize these truths and make them a reality is to have those scary moments. As much as we may hate this fact, being strong and being out there on your own is SO hard, if it wasn't then everyone would do it. But the best parts are those times when you think, wow, LOOK what I did... ON MY OWN! and just the feeling of that will make all those scary bits a little less scary. Sometimes it's best not too look at the tree when you're feeling a lot smaller, but wait until the next day, when you know you can.

Danca said...

Feeling exactly the same myself these days! I would say the hardest thing is to start, but then after you begin working that feeling of 'I know why I love this so much' returns and it's all better. Hung in there, I say that to myself also, you're not alone!

Chocolate and Steel said...

That is a beautiful picture and what a great representation of your emotions. I completely understand where you are coming from. I've got some big trees around me too. But the other people who commented are right. Challenges help you grow. It's so easy to say it to you and believe it completely. Now I need to believe it:)

You've been tagged, btw: